


Breathe

by Dazzledfirestar



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Begging, Bottom Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Fisting, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Size Kink, and Steve's great love of it, memory alteration aftermath
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 17:49:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2437598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dazzledfirestar/pseuds/Dazzledfirestar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are times when Bucky isn't sure he is who he thinks he is. There are other times when he's sure he's back where he should be, with Steve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breathe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [heeroluva](https://archiveofourown.org/users/heeroluva/gifts).



> written for the ninth round of Five Acts on LJ

There are times when he’s not sure all the HYDRA conditioning is out of his system. It feels like it’s been ages but sometimes… sometimes he just can’t remember something that should be so easy. He knows the memory should be there; should be within reach but sometimes, it’s just not there.

Then there are times when it’s so easy to push aside the missing years, the violence, the cold, the empty feeling in his head. When the metal arm doesn’t feel so heavy. As the fingers register the slick warmth around them, as Steve arches up, moaning and babbling about how good it feels, how much he missed him.

Those times are the ones Bucky cherishes. He runs his hand down Steve’s spine, noticing in detail for the hundredth time since they both woke up how the distance between the freckles on his skin changed, even if the arch of his back is the same and familiar and somehow so damn comfortable. “Shh.” Bucky leans in, pressing his lips to Steve’s spine. “Relax.”

“I…” A wordless moan leaves Steve’s mouth and he pushes back. His mind provides a moment of remembrance. Some things never change, apparently but now it’s harder to keep Steve still. “God, Buck… more! Please!”

He hesitates, just a little. “Steve…”

“I can… please! I can take it!”

Bucky believes him. Or at least he believes that Steve believes it. Memories of files fill his mind for a second. Files about increased speed of recovery. But he blinks it back. If the fingers he had in Steve’s ass were his own, were flesh and had some give, he wouldn’t wait. He’d give Steve exactly what he wanted but his confidence in his recovery and his restraint isn’t on his side. He sighs and scissors them apart, stretching Steve out a little more before pressing the tips against his prostate. “God, you’re pushy.”

The snark would usually get him off the topic but Steve just groans and pushes his hips back again. “Buck…” He nearly whines and Bucky feels his dick twitch. That sound is pure sex and Bucky knows he won’t refuse Steve for long. “Just a little more. One more… god!” he drags the last word out like a porn star.

He sighs again and nudges a third finger into Steve, slowly working it deeper and Steve keens and arches and begs again for more. “Still need more?”

“Yes!” He arches again, pushing back. “Fuck, Bucky, please!”

“Jesus, Steve…” He can’t help but moan at the desperation in his voice. “Tell me.”

“I want it all!” He’s babbling now. Past the point of no return. “Just… fuck, give it to me!”

“Give what to you?” He can’t help it. He’s got to know for sure before they do this.

“Another finger… the…” Steve falters for a second and Bucky watches a deep blush cover his shoulders. He knows what that blush looks like from the front too and it’s gorgeous. “Your hand… all of it… fuck, _please_!”

He nearly comes just listening to the idea. It takes a few deep breaths to get enough of his brain focused on what Steve wants. “I’m going slow. Don’t push back or I stop.”

Steve nods quickly. “I’ll be good.”

Bucky smiles. “No you won’t.” He knows that promise. Heard it a hundred times or more before the War, before the serum, and after. He ignores Steve’s protests as he pulls his fingers out, adds more lube and presses the tips together before slowly inching them into his ass again. 

Steve is shaking, sweat dripping down his back when Bucky gets to the first knuckle. “Steve?”

“Good. Green… whatever… please!” He sounds wrecked and Bucky knows he loves it when Steve sounds wrecked. “Don’t stop!”

“Giving orders, Cap?” He can’t stop himself from chuckling even as he twists his wrist. 

“No. Sorry… oh god!” Steve arches up again as Bucky pushes further. “Please!”

“How does it feel?”

Steve breathes deeply and shakes his head. It’s enough of a sign that Bucky stops pushing so he can at least think. “So good. Different… smooth.” His body trembles. “Touch warm but still cool…” He whines and barely holds onto his control as Bucky’s metal thumb rubs teasingly at his stretched hole. “I want more.”

Something about how Steve wasn’t pulling back, wasn’t sugar coating that the metal is different—good apparently, but different—boosts Bucky’s confidence. “Always wanting more.” He leans in and kisses the small of Steve’s back as his fingers sink deeper and his thumb rubs more firmly against Steve’s ass. “You ready?”

Steve breathes deep and tries to get his answer but he sounds desperate, tired, and damn near strung out when he gets the words out. “Yeah. I want this.”

Some days, Bucky can’t remember what it felt like before. Some days, he looks at Steve and wonders why he’s putting in all the effort; if it’s a sex thing or a nostalgia thing or what. Some days, he doesn’t think he’s earned the right to be back here, trusted and welcomed.

And then there are days like this. Where it’s all there; the trust, the bond, the love. And on those days, he knows he can’t deny Steve anything.

“Okay.” He kisses the small of his back again and smiles against his skin, listening to the needy moan that leaves Steve as his thumb slips in. “Just breathe.”


End file.
